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December 2007

I'm 13, going on 14, and I have been having my period for two years. I have all the signs of puberty but I haven't started developing breasts. I have heard rumors like sleeping in a bra stumps breast development, and I was wondering if these sorts of things are true. I was also wondering if it is abnormal that I have not started to develop breasts. Is there anything I can do to help this problem? Thanks for the help!

Answer:

Please do not be afraid that you have done anything wrong to prevent your breasts from growing naturally. Sleeping with a bra (especially one with an under wire) might be uncomfortable, but there is no evidence it will interfere with breast development. In fact, there is not much we can do to speed up or slow down breast growth. Breasts are made up of glands and fat; they're not muscles, so there also aren't any special exercises to make them larger or smaller. Final breast size is mostly determined by heredity. Besides your genes, some of the other factors that do affect breast size are related to your overall body weight and your hormone levels (pregnant women's breasts get larger for both reasons).

From your letter, it is bit hard to tell whether you mean you have no breast development at all or you are just worried your breasts haven't developed enough.

Breast development can be described in 5 different stages. The first (or least mature) stage is the flat chest of childhood. In most girls, the earliest sign of puberty is breast "budding," which means that the breasts start to enlarge. In this second stage of breast growth, tender little lumps ("buds") can often be felt underneath the nipples. This can happen anywhere from age 8 or so to about age 13 and still be quite normal. Usually girls get their periods about 2 years after their breasts start developing. At that point, they're typically in the third stage of breast development, and their breasts are becoming more mounded. In the fourth stage of development, the nipple starts to stick out above the rest of the breast. The fifth (or most mature) stage is when growth is completed and breasts are their most full and rounded.

It would be fairly unusual for a girl to be having her period without having first experienced any increase in breast size. But if that is the case for you, then you should make an appointment to see your doctor. During the visit, your doctor will talk to you about your health and examine you and may even order some additional tests. Some of the things she or he will want to check include whether you have armpit and pubic hair, and whether you've noticed a more "adult" body odor when you sweat and/or any acne. Since you said you have all the other signs of puberty, it sounds like the answer to those questions might be yes for you. Your doctor will also look at how your height has changed over the past couple of years.

Remember that there is a lot of variation from person to person in the timing and rate of development. And it is very common for girls to have concerns about the size, shape and symmetry of their breasts. Girls often worry that their breasts are too little, too big, or too lopsided (one breast may have a noticeably different measurement than the other).

This question was answered by Dr. Richelle deMayo in Pediatrics at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

March/April 2007

I was wondering when I should start my period. I have developed breasts, pubic hair, discharge, cramps, and a few other symptoms. I am 13, and I seem like the only one who hasn't started my period. When I tell my friends that, they are very surprised and say that I look like I already started my period, but I haven't. Is something wrong with me?

Answer:

Please don't worry that something is wrong with you just because your friends have gotten their periods and you haven't yet. It's true that the average age for girls to get their periods is 13, but each girl goes at her own pace.

Puberty, the time when a girl's body starts becoming more like that of an adult, can start as early as 8 or as late as 14 or 15 years of age. At the beginning of puberty, breasts begin to develop and hair starts to grow under the arms. Pubic hair will also grow around the opening to your vagina. For most girls, their first menstrual period occurs about 1½ or 2 years after breast development starts. But there's a wide range of normal. Some girls may get their periods sooner, and some later - maybe even as long as 3 years after breast development starts.

It's not possible to tell you precisely when you're going to start your period, but the things you described suggest that you're close. The vaginal discharge you mentioned is one particularly good sign. Many girls notice a thick, white mucus coming from their vaginas for a few months before their periods start.

Just remember that even once you get your period, yours may not be exactly the same as your friends. Some girls have shorter periods – 2 days; some girls have longer ones – about 7 days. Some girls have very light bleeding and other girls have heavier bleeding and cramps. And it might take awhile for you to know what yours is going to be like. Often your periods aren't regular in the first year of getting them.

Let your doctor know if you think you're bleeding too much or too little or if you go longer than 6 months between periods.

This question was answered by Dr. Richelle deMayo in Pediatrics at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

January/February 2007

I started my period when I was 9. I will be 13 in just a few months but I still have only had my period about two or three times in this whole four years. What could this mean?

Answer:

In the first couple of years after a girl begins her period, it can be common for periods to be light and infrequent. This is because young girls who have just started getting their periods may not yet be releasing an egg from their ovaries each month. Many girls will not get a period each month, though few will go longer than six months without getting a period. Some girls will get more than one period in a month during this time.

Menstrual cycles typically become more regular during first two years after they first start. On average, "regular" periods occur every 28 days, but the range is anywhere between 21 and 35 days.

Your case is different from this situation because your symptoms have been going on for almost four years and because you have only had your period two or three times during that time. So it is important for you to speak to your doctor who will need more details about when your period started and the timing of the two or three periods you have had. He or she will want to examine you and get more information about your growth and development and other medical conditions you might have. Depending on what your doctor finds, he or she may order some simple tests.

Pregnancy is actually the most common cause of missed periods in a female who previously had regular periods. But your case is different. There are many other reasons, such as dieting, exercise training, stress or even illness that can sometimes cause periods to be irregular and infrequent. Another possible explanation is hormonal problems, where women have many small cysts on their ovaries and usually do not produce an egg each month and therefore do not menstruate.

Regular periods are a marker of good health. Missing a single period is rarely important. But missing periods for a long time may be a sign of more serious health problems. The good news is that your doctor can often "fix" the cause of missed periods, by helping you make lifestyle changes or by prescribing medication.

This question was answered by Dr. Richelle deMayo in Pediatrics at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

November/December 2006

I got my period around three months ago and for some unknown reason I didn’t get it this month. Is this normal? I’m 14. I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant because I have never had sex before. I’m too embarrassed to speak to my mom about it as she might go on and on about it and I would like it if you could help relate my symptoms to something.

Answer:

As girls begin to have periods, it is not uncommon for them to have some irregularities the first year or two, including a missed period. Keeping track of your period on a calendar, and reporting the information to your pediatrician or gynecologist is helpful in deciding if your particular pattern is worrisome or just your way of going through puberty.

You say you’ve never had sex before. But you should know, if you’ve had contact with sperm to the vulva, your outer genital area, or inside the vagina, sexual intercourse, then pregnancy could be the cause and a visit to your doctor is necessary.

This question was answered by Dr. Ursula Steadman in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

September/October 2006

I’ve seen my best friend’s boyfriend yell and talk down to her a few times now and they’ve only been dating for a few months – should I be concerned?

Answer:

I think that what you describe is troublesome whether they've been dating a few weeks, months, or years. Anytime there is a relationship which shows signs of
out-of-control emotions, or one person treating another with disrespect should be cause for alarm and reflection. You're in a difficult position since this is your friend and she may not be ready or willing to talk about these issues. I would encourage you, if you are comfortable and inclined to do so, to let her know you would be happy to talk to her about this situation if she ever wanted to. Or, if you are a direct witness to some of these incidents, you might say to her (perhaps when the two of you are alone) something like, "How did you feel when ____ said that to you/talked to you that way/yelled at you?" Or you could share your own reaction in a gentle way. "I felt worried/scared/upset/concerned when ____ spoke to you in that way. "He seemed so upset." or "He seemed to be yelling at you." or "I didn't think he was treating you nicely."

It's important not to come across in a judging or critical way, because then your friend may become defensive and not be able to hear what you are trying to tell her. So I would steer clear of calling her boyfriend names and making him out to be a jerk, even if that's how you're feeling out of loyalty and protection toward your friend. I would just try to let her know that you care about her, are concerned about her well-being, and are available to talk if she wants to. Of course, if you find out that the situation is in fact more serious – for example, if he has been violent or threatening toward her – then someone should let an adult know, such as a parent, counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult. I wouldn't recommend that you try to handle this kind of serious situation since it could place you in danger. The adults who take care of her or a professional may need to become involved.

This question was answered by Dr. Karen Steinberg, with the Department of Psychiatry at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

July/August 2006

How come my face breaks out when I have my period? And is there anything I can do about it?

Answer:

It is not uncommon for young women to get acne breakouts or flares of their acne in the week prior to their period. There is a distinct hormonal spike that occurs during this time of the month that will trigger acne. Often this type of acne is worse on the chin, jaw line and around the mouth.

Over the counter topical preparations such as salicylic acid, benzoyl peroxides, alpha hydroxyl acids or even retinols can be helpful for these flares.

For more severe cases, prescription topical or even oral antibiotics or hormonal therapy can be helpful for many young women.

This question was answered by Dr. Diane Whitaker-Worth, with the Department of Dermatology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

May/June 2006

I have two friends who are each dating a boy at least two years older than them because they say older boys are more mature – how come girls seem to mature faster than boys?

Answer:

You've made an important observation about the different rates of maturity for boys and girls. We know that girls do mature earlier than boys, on a number of levels including physically, socially, and emotionally. This comes into play regarding relationships, where a girl of 14 may find that some of the boys her age are not emotionally in sync with her. This is not across the board, however, and we see a lot of individual variation in terms of how people develop.

The important thing is to be able to make connections with people (whether friendships or dating relationships) who will have the qualities you are looking for in a partner, such as empathy (ability to take another's perspective and appreciate other people's experiences), honesty, integrity, dependability, and common interests, just to name a few.

This question was answered by Dr. Karen Steinberg, with the Department of Psychiatry at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

March/April 2006

What’s the best way to lose weight? I have a friend that eats every other meal and she looks great! Is that ok to do?

Answer:

The best way to lose weight is threefold.

First, don’t skip meals, but have half of your plate as fruits and or vegetables, a quarter of your plate as starch and a quarter of your plate as meat.

Second, watch your fat intake.

Third, exercise.

If these don’t work, then make an appointment to see a registered dietician or your physician for some help. For more information, visit our page on nutrition.

This question was answered by Linda York, R.D., in the Department on Nutrition at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

January/February 2006

I got my period around two years ago and every time in between my period I get vaginal discharge. It's normal discharge but everyday I have to wear a pad and it gets annoying. Is there something wrong? Or am I supposed to get vaginal discharge everyday between my periods? My friends don't seem to have the same problem.

Answer:

It is normal to have some vaginal discharge between periods. There is a wide variation of what is normal; some women have more discharge than others, for example. The discharge changes throughout the monthly cycle with a thin clear discharge that looks almost like raw egg white around mid-cycle during ovulation, when the egg is being released, and then the discharge usually changes to a tackier, slightly thicker white discharge until the next period.

Some signs of problems include a thick curd-like discharge with itching which could be a yeast infection, or a milky discharge with an odor might be a bacterial infection. Certainly the best thing to do is have unusual discharge checked by a gynecologist who can evaluate whether your discharge is normal or not. If you are sexually active, then I strongly advise you to make an appointment with a gynecologist.

This question was answered by Nancy Kalagher, A.P.R.N., OB/GYN Nurse Practitioner, at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

November/December 2005

Can girls lose to much blood? If so how much is too much?

Answer:

Normal periods can come every 21 to 35 days from the start of one to the start of the next. Most women's periods last 4 to 5 days, but the normal range can be 3 to 7 days. While it can be difficult to 'measure' the amount of bleeding, most gynecologists will say if your bleeding requires you to change your pad or tampon less than one hour at the heaviest, that is abnormal. Also, if the amount of bleeding you have in one particular month seems a lot more than you are used to, you should also discuss this with your doctor. Most women will have 1 to 3 days of heavier bleeding, with lighter bleeding in the beginning or in the end. Knowing what your periods usually do, and noticing a change is important to figure out what is abnormal for an individual person.

This question was answered by Dr. Ursula Steadman in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

September/October 2005

My mom never really had a formal conversation with me about menstruation. So I have a few questions that I been dying to ask. How can you tell when you’re going to get your period? Not just the body changes, but how do you feel and where should you feel the cramps. Also, at about what age should I expect to get my period?

I'm 14 1/2 and still haven't had a period. My mom, and the women in my family got theirs when they were about 12 years old. I have vaginal discharge, developed breasts, pubic hair, pimples, and my hips are busting, but still nothing. The doctor said it was probably because I was too skinny, and I didn't have enough fat to produce the amount of estrogen needed. She didn't sound very definite, but she may be right. Also, when, if ever, will the vaginal discharge stop? It started over a year ago and hasn't stopped since.

Answer:

From your description, your pubertal development is proceeding normally. I would expect you to get a period by age 16. The exact timing of when you’ll get your period, and the symptoms you may experience are impossible to predict. Prior to a period, some women get low, mid abdominal cramping and breast tenderness or a bloating feeling, or sometimes mood changes, and some women don’t get any of these symptoms. Once you do get your period, it may take several months to a year to get one regularly each month. Your increased vaginal discharge may be caused by hormonal changes, and you may be ovulating. When you ovulate an egg is released from the ovary, and typically an increased vaginal clear mucous occurs for a day or two, then the period comes 14 days later. If you are having a continual, daily vaginal discharge, and if there is any vaginal irritation, like itching, or odor, you should be seen by a physician who can check for infection. Yeast and bacterial vaginitis infections are not dangerous but can be annoying and are very treatable. These types of infections are not sexually transmitted.

This question was answered by Dr. Ursula Steadman in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

July/August 2005

It is normal to start your menstrual cycle, have one period, and then stop having periods? I haven't had one for six months and I don't think this is suppose to happen. Can you help?

Answer:

First of all, your doctor would need to know some information. Have your periods ever been regular? At what age did you have your first period?

It is common to not have regular periods early in puberty, but most girls will have regular periods by age 16. Also, if you are sexually active, are you pregnant?

Other hormonal problems would also likely need to be investigated. For example, thyroid problems can interfere with the menstrual cycle (a gland in your neck that controls your metabolism/how fast your cells work), and another problem that can interfere with the menstrual cycle is an elevated hormone called prolactin, made by the brain, that can be associated with making milk from your breasts, or certain medications.

Other problems can also be possible, but are much rarer, like certain genetic disorders, as well as interference with the menstrual cycle secondary to a syndrome called polycystic ovarian syndrome, which can be associated with being overweight and diabetes.

So you see, what appears to be a simple question can be complicated; it is best if you consult your physician so all of these wide range of possibilities can be assessed with a good health history and physical exam.

If you've never had a pelvic exam before, and /or have never been sexually active, your doctor may not need to do a pelvic exam, so please don't avoid the doctor for that reason!

This question was answered by Dr. Ursula Steadman in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

May/June 2005

What are the symptoms/signs that I'm getting my very first period?

Answer:

Symptoms of getting your first period might include some lower abdominal cramps and discomfort. Some girls also experience mild breast tenderness, bloating (stomach feeling slightly fuller than usual), and sometimes slight mood changes, increased irritability or feeling slightly more tired than usual.

Others don’t have any of these symptoms at all and just start having their period (vaginal bleeding). Periods usually follow the development of breasts and growth of pubic hair, but the exact timing of it can be unpredictable. A good idea is to be prepared and keep a maxipad in your purse, school locker, and at home — just in case.

If you are sexually active and haven’t yet had your period, you can still become pregnant. Since symptoms of early pregnancy can sometimes be the same as a period, you should see a doctor.

This question was answered by Dr. Ursula Steadman in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

April 2005

I have this friend who takes stuff soooo seriously. When my other friends or me say something, this friend takes it like we're talking to/about her. Friday at lunch she did it again and we all got in a huge fight!! I don't think we're friends any more but I need help on what I should do about it. Please help.

Answer:

Thanks for writing in with this great question. This sounds like a challenging but not uncommon kind of problem. There are two sides to any relationship. I think we first have to look at our side and decide whether we might have done anything (out of frustration, fear, or confusion, jealousy) to contribute to the problem.

So. . . with your situation: is there a possibility that you and/or your friends might have been insensitive or inconsiderate toward this person? For example, whispering to one person when someone else is nearby is bound to lead to suspicion. So it may be a good idea to look at the way you and your friends are communicating with one another that could create the impression of secrets or gossip. If this is a possibility, then I would try to repair things with her. You can clarify that you were not talking about her or trying to put her down.

On the other hand, if you are confident that this is not the case, and that she is over-reacting, then it's helpful to recognize that her reactions are probably about more than just your relationship with her. She may be having difficulties in other areas of her life (e.g., at home, school, self-esteem, other friendships) and is having trouble coping with all of this stress. She may especially sensitive right now. In that case, you might try to be compassionate toward her, let her know she's not alone, ask if she'd like someone to talk to (perhaps a counselor at school).

Of course, you don't need to put up with any sort of disrespectful or abusive behavior. Therefore, if she seems too upset or volatile, you might ask her to wait until she (and you!) can calm down before trying to solve any particular problems in your relationship.

If you feel as though you cannot be friends anymore, at least for right now, you might consider writing a letter that describes your feelings about the situation and where you'd like to go from here. When you finish, you can choose to send/give it to her or not. But it may be helpful just to write down your thoughts and feelings and give you some new ideas.

Good luck to you and I hope things work out.

This question was answered by Dr. Karen Steinberg, with the Department of Psychiatry at the UConn Health Center.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

March 2005

I have a friend who is cutting herself. I want to help. What should I do?

Answer:

Dr. Karen Steinberg, with the Department of Psychiatry at the UConn Health Center, strongly encourages you to talk with a trusted adult about this—family member, counselor, clergy. Your friend should be encouraged to seek treatment as cutting is usually a symptom of a very serious problem (e.g., intolerable feelings stemming from exceedingly low self-esteem, child abuse or maltreatment, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder).

The cutting may be an attempt to gain release from overwhelming feelings, may be a way of "tuning out" from a very unpleasant home or peer situation, or may be an attempt to express negative feelings and self-hatred. In any case, your friend should receive immediate attention and referral for counseling so that she/he can learn more adaptive ways for handling difficult emotions.

If you would like to learn more about cutting, visit TeensHealth.

Please read our disclaimer regarding this information.

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